Issue #9 January 2007

Welcome to the first B.R. edition of the new year! I hope it's going well for you so far. Personally, I'm just glad that January is over. This edition is a bit later than usual, which is mostly due to me not getting my act together and being abducted by aliens. I also had some personal issues to deal with, but anyway, I apologise and take full blame for the lateness this time around.

Anyway, with 2007 well under way, I hope you're all sticking to your resolutions and all of that. I'm not. But that's mostly because I didn't make any resolutions. Some things have changed, but that wasn't really due to it being the 1st of January or anything. But I shan't bore you with details of that. Instead, I'll provide you with endless waffle that you can read and pretend that you're doing something constructive instead of going to the gym, being a better person, or eating pineapples for a week.

We, that is, the Blue Report team, have also decided that we need a more professional image (or something) so we now have a roster and an Editor-in-Chief (yours truly). Luckily for me, there's also a Deputy Editor-in-Chief. Unluckily for Hobbie, that's him. So anything you see in here that you don't like – he wrote it. What amuses me is the group ID. And I'm its team leader. "Does that make me a geek?"

Moving on. This is the part where I tell you what's in this issue, and of course, it's the usual. There's a list to your left. Or right, but that joke is old now. Anyway, notably, this month we have no proper interviews (since there were no awards for January). We do, however, have the usual genre updates, the Rank-O-Matic winner, the...

...does anyone actually read this? I've asked myself that many times. And this time, I shall find out by conducting one simple, painless experiment.

You're all eejits.

Now if I get complaints and abusive emails, I'll know that we have an audience. Genius!

Anyway, do read on, if you are in fact reading this. If you're not, this command doesn't apply to you. In fact you won't even know of its existence. Think about what you're missing! =( ...I'll stop that train of thought now before it runs me over. Read on and enjoy!

Bria Terrik
_{Senator of Corellia
Chief Editor}

First off, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to our newest Agents: CL5 Polson, CL7 Dave/Plugboy and CL8 Babel! I am sure they will do a great job and not leave Brady's office too dirty. Or at the very least, convince Brady that peanut shells just adds to the place. ;)

I've also took over the role of ST DSC which was a welcome surprise and I look forward to working with more of you within my role! It's been a fun time so far, despite Hobbie's attempts to earn me the rank of Executive Council's Cook. :@ Grrr...

The OZD, with the approval of the EC, has also launched TF's Design your own Chattop Competition! See the Updates Board for further details. Basically, we will be implementing a rotating chattop interface on a trial run. OTFers can submit chattops according to their affiliation preference (Borg, Klingon, Civilian etc) with all submissions to be made to Brady@outpost10f.com. We look forward to seeing your contributions/ideas.

That's it from the OZD, have a good one!

CL6 Kayana
OZD's Blue Report's Editor

That's a quote from my lecturer, by the way. Not the "Senate Update" part, the other part. We were all filled with confidence, especially since the exams were coming up.

I had this article all written out and ready, and then I managed to make it disappear by using cut and paste followed by closing the window. Now I have to write it again, which sucks, but on the other hand... if you don't like it, the other version was vastly superior.

I'll start by sharing the one piece of news that I have actually got for you people. The more perceptive of you will already know this, but we have a new look for the CCC's armoury. Yes, that's right, the plain black is a thing of the past. It works the same as ever, but it looks pretty now - well, pretty by my definition, don't sue me if you don't like it, I didn't make it. Okay, so I did, but the others agreed to use it and Iain implemented it, so really, it's all their fault. Thanks, guys. ;)

Other than that we've done absolutely... nothing. Well, I've done plenty, but not in relation to the Senate. Y'see, no one seems to be doing anything in the Senate these days. Except for me: I write these articles about how we're not doing anything. Okay, fair enough, and QD, who did the re-write of the SW script again. And Ray, who copied and pasted it into the B.R... yes, I'm grasping at straws.

What's next for the Senate? I don't know. It's not much fun making up news anymore, either, or joking yet again how we're all a bunch of lazy politicians because those jokes are old now, and there's so much truth to them by now that they're as likely to just make people cry as anything else. I'm trying to salvage our reputation and image, I really am, but I think I'm failing miserably. Well, I'll leave yiz to it... and hopefully, I'll have something proper to report to you next month. Hopefully. Otherwise I'll just write about something entirely unrelated.

By the way, what I said at the end of the introductory article? I was kidding. I apologise if I offended anyone. Unless you didn't read this far, then I'm not apologising to you.

Clear skies!

Bria Terrik
_{Senator of Corellia
lol, rebel}

1. Name, rank and physical location?
Polson, Sandwich, Central Alberta, Canada.

2. Why did you join the OZD?
To take over as the Sector Commander.

3. What do you like best about the OZD?
For the entire four days that I've been aware that I'm in it, I like Brady best.

4. Tell us a bit more about the city you live in, what are some of your best/worst memories there? :o)
I'm not an exciting person, I don't really do much. We went bowling once and the jukebox ate my best friend's loonies. I bowled 52. I had exactly two sips of diet pepsi, which I don't like.

5. Favorite ST episode?
Ah, that's way too hard. Maybe the Year of Hell episodes from Voyager, those were awesome.

6. Why are you a sandwich? Since you are a sandwich, what type are you? Would there be any dressing with that?
I suppose it's time I explained the sandwich thing. Ages ago, back when the CCC was just being implimented and they were looking for "Padawan learners" I don't remember why. Anyway, I asked Draco if he would make me a Padawan learner. The next day when I entered chat my rank was "Sandwich" and when I inquired of Draco he shrugged and said, "I didn't know how to make a Padawan learner so I made you a sandwich instead." As for what kind of sandwich? Expired.

7. What happens if I eat the sandwich?
You get food poisoning.

8. How did you find out about OTF?
Enter search: Star Trek Chat Room

9. Now that the Doctor is in the OZD house, should Man in Hat be worried?
I am the only one who need not fear Jeremy. The Man in Hat has paid me generously to ensure his continued safety.

10. Any other comments? :)
Yes, but I'd have to kill you afterwards.

Hi guys!

It's my pleasure to announce the results of last month's Rank-O-Matic - featuring giving a rank to our "willing" volunteer, Korny!

Thank you to everyone who participated! The winner is Majin Kaze! He submitted for Korny, the rank of "Dirty Harry's Favorite Woman"!

It is my proud pleasure to present an award to Majin - created for us by the ever-talented Aeon!

Thank you Korny for volunteering; Annie for the award; and of course well done to Majin for winning! Thank you also to Kayana for making this all happen!

Now, for this month's competition...

Kayana informs me that the "volunteer" this month is... Hobbie!

Go, go go, special rank for Hobbie... click, click, click!

Do what must be done... do not hesitate... show no mercy...

;-)
~Iain

To CL5:

To CL4:

To CL3:

[Enlarge comic in a new window.]

35 EXT. TATOOINE - ROCK MESA - DUNE SEA - COASTLINE - DAY... *counts* THAT'S A LOT OF PLACES TO BE AT ONCE...

From high on a rock mesa (did Jar-Jar just appear?), the tiny Landspeeder can be seen gliding across the desert floor like Jabba on ice. Suddenly in the foreground two weather-beaten Sandpeople shrouded in their grimy (does no one on Tattooine own a washing machine?) desert cloaks peer over the edge of the rock mesa Jar-Jar. One of the marginally human (marginally... are we talking one human leg and three tiny Yoda toes?) creatures raises a long ominous laser rifle and points it at the speeder but the second creature grabs the gun before it can be fired. This is why the Sandpeople are no use at Doom. The Sandpeople, or Tusken Raiders as they're sometimes called, speak in a coarse barbaric language known as 'couple of stones in a tin can' as they get into an animated argument. The second Tomb Tusken Raider seems to get in the final word and the nomads scurry over the rocky terrain.

36. EXT. TATOOINE - ROCK MESA - CANYON. (WHAT HAPPENED TO THE DUNE SEA AND COASTLINE PART?)

The Tusken Raider approaches two large Banthas standing tied to a rock, though they could probably walk off with the rock if they could move faster than a speeding Gonk droid. The monstrous, bear-like creatures are as large as elephants, (mostly because they are elephants), with huge red eyes, tremendous looped horns, and long, furry, dinosaur-like tails (did dinosaurs have long furry tails?). The Tusken Raiders mount saddles strapped to the huge creatures' shaggy backs and ride off incredibly slowly down the rugged bluff. A dead Jawa overtakes them at speed.

37. EXT. TATOOINE - ROCK CANYON - FLOOR. I THINK WE FELL OFF THE MESA.

The speeder is double parked on the floor of a massive canyon. Osiris, with his long laser rifle slung over his shoulder, stands before little Ajay.

OSIRIS
Hey, whoa, w00t! Just where do you think you're going?

The little droid whistles the theme from Shaft, as Deepio poses like Elvis behind the little runaway.

DEEPIO
Master Lewsie here is your rightful owner. We'll have no more of this Ma-jin Kenobi gibberish...and don't talk to me about your mission, either, you made me miss the second chance repeat of Lost. You're fortunate he doesn't blast you into a million pieces right here.

OSIRIS
Well, come on. It's getting late by one of the suns. I only hope we can get back before Uncle Octavius really blows up. (It's an intestinal problem).

DEEPIO
If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I think you should deactivate the little fugitive until you've gotten him back to your workshop, and then, I don't know, we could spray paint him a funny colour or something... maybe even-

OSIRIS
No, he's not going to try anything.

Deepio rolls her eyes in one hand.

DEEPIO
Yeah, fer sure, dude.

Suddenly the little robot jumps to life with a mass of frantic whistles, screams and MC Hammer jivin'.

OSIRIS
What's wrong with him now? Oi! Do the Timewarp!

DEEPIO
Oh my...sir, he says there are several creatures approaching from the south-east at a pace we could easily outwalk. Of course, we could just get in the incredibly fast speeder, but no, I'll bet you want to put our lives at risk by having a good gawp.

Osiris swings his rifle into position and looks to the south.

OSIRIS
Sandpeople! Or worse! (Yeah, because there's worse stuff out there... vicious sand castle builders for instance). Come on, let's have a look. Come on.

DEEPIO
Oh for crying out loud...